by Adam Farish

After a game best forgotten, Saints B took to the MFN in bullish mood. The side had a different look with TV the talisman returning to take the helm, old before his time Fish half returning as a fielding/batsman, Saints’ overseas player Cobus bringing a calm assurance and Steve ‘nugget’ Ward finally returning from his jollys…er…work in the far east. Notable absentees were Gerv with a knee that just won’t do as it’s told and Brocky who had chipped a nail and was heard saying ‘no manicure, no play’.

We either won the toss or the oppo played straight into our hands by letting us bowl. To all bowlers’ delight, TV took the gloves again as Cavalier Stenners had to stay in to wash his hair.

The mighty Fez took up his usual work horse roll and proceeded to charge up the hill into the wind. After a few attempts at landing the ball on the track he finally managed it at which point he was dispatched for 6 by the 10 year old opening batsman. That’s about as good as it got for Fez.

Rodders opened from the other end with his own brand of medium pace off break swing slow right arm leg breaks which baffled not only the batsman but also Smurf who very nearly had a lie down on his way to take the catch and earn Rodders a deserved first wicket of the season. Chris ‘Jonty’ Hurley made himself a name at gully with some stella stops and the Nugget had one of the pieces of fielding of the season with his turn and throw which was even on a par with the arm of the lady in the oppo’s team. With Rodders and Fez bowled out Cobus and Little John took up the mantle. Tight lines from Cobus and committed fielding saw a batsman play all around the line and he picked up a beauty clean bowled. He followed this up later with a plum LBW shout which clearly gave the umpire at the other end the impression he should give out any appeal the oppo made through our innings… more on that later.

Little John then began to become predictable by taking 2 wickets in 2 balls to set up his 4th attempt at a hatrick in as many games. The bat was crowded, the crowd was hushed and the hush was… er… sorry lost my way there. Almost as predictably the ball was tamely jabbed into the ground and once more the mercurial LJ showed he lacked bottle in big moments… at least with the ball.

The only other moments of note as the oppo’s innings petered out was an interesting piece of fielding by Smurf who attempted a run out by diving sideways and club handedly hurling the ball at his own feet and Cairnsy dropping a dolly at just the precise moment some of his mates had shown up to watch… and laugh… a lot.

A total of 104 off 16 was set so the mighty Saints ‘the real A team’ B team padded up with 105 required for victory (one more than the oppo as thats how cricket works.)

Smurf and Rodders got off to their usual pokey, paddle run very fast start and Saints were always there or there abouts with the rate. Smurf went uncharacteristically early for a few which brought bam bam Cairnsey to the crease. Nerves began to visibly jangle as no batsman wanted to face the banter of being bowled out by their lady first change bowler even though there would have been no disgrace as she bowled some good lines. Rodders and Cairnsey kept the run rate ticking until the latter was trapped on his back pad LBW, this brought the Fisherman, newly promoted up the order due to old age, to the crease and the beginning of some astonishing LBW calls. Apparently stepping outside his leg stump half way down the wicket the ball clipped pad and the umpire raised a finger, seemingly before an appeal came in, much to Fishy’s horror. In came the Doctor who pushed around before being caught at first slip, yes thats right folks slip and a gully in div 3 evening league. Well, it worked I guess…once.

In came Wardy who showed us what we’d all been missing by displaying an array of fine strokes during a quickfire innings which must have totaled at least 100 runs. Rodders got out somehow, no one cared as this brought TV to the crease and brought about one of the most bizarre moments likely to be seen in cricket this year. After paddling a few around TV quite audibly from the boundary clipped one onto his pads. Frenzied appeals from the young bowler brought scoffs from the Saints but a raised finger from the umpire. TV ever the gent and ambassador for the club, took it on the chin and walked off and in went Little J. As LJ took a guard and TV removed his gloves, the other umpire called TV back and LJ raised his bat returning 0 not out/not in. Add to this the fact that early in the innings TV was clean bowled by a full toss no ball and rumors abound of match fixing and the need for a stewards enquiry. Wardy fell to catch of the season and that brought LJ to the crease with 10 required off the last 2 overs. A decent over meant Saints required 6 off the final one with Little J on strike. First ball, swing and a miss against the young leg spinner. Second ball, swing and a miss against the young leg spinner. Saints on the boundary begin to get twitchy, all that is apart from a dapper suited Gerv who uttered the immortal words ‘just whack the bloody thing’. LJ’s super hero bat hearing picked it up and did just that. With no back lift, footwork or anything resembling a cricket shot Saints B player of the year ’08, ’09, ’10 and forever slapped the ball over square leg for 6 and victory with 3 balls to spare.