Sorry for the lateness of the post but been having a bit of trouble working out how to post. Technology eh ! – what ever happened to a nice handwritten newsletter delivered by a small boy on a bike. So doing this from memory without a scorecard.

Venue: The always cold KGV where the changing room is particularly fragrant !

Saints A v St Martins – now was it Wednesday or Thursday last week. You know I’m not sure. You see because of the bank holiday it put me out of kilter. You see Mondays I normally do a 15 mile run with Elvis, Tuesday I have tea on the moon with ET and Wednesdays I normally work until 8pm. But this week I forgot to change the date on my watch and, well, I won’t bore you anymore as you’d think I was a plonker.

The Game.

Unfortunately Brocky’s run of getting 11 A teamers on the park ended after a run of 1 game. Missing DJ (doing motor vehicle maintenance at school) and Tappy (training for something – the something is unknown but it sounded good) and Lee the Fridge (who we later find out is discussing personal terms regarding a early season move back to Strollers). But no worries, in comes Mark ‘the young Ben Elton’ Guille and Ishy (everybody’s favourite Scrabble name).

Saints lose the toss and as expected are inserted. Batting line up – RV, Ox, Pretty Boy Ross, Cynthia* and Goody. No more needed thinks Skip. Anybody seen Ross ? To cut a long, and as yet not understood, story short, Ross is unable to join us due to strange phenomena known as 30 days in April and (what is more commonly understood) that Ross is a plonker. So this time Ross doesn’t just forget his contact lenses, socks or trainers he actually forgets himself. That leaves us with 10 .

RV and Ox get us off to a flyer. RV in particular punishing anything short and wide. The Ox is still worried about his new bat decides air won’t hurt his bat like that nasty leather stuff. We are rattling along at 10s for the first 5 or so overs but both RV and Ox depart in quick succession to catches. Cynthia in, 3, Goody, 4. Neither really get going. Goody’s stay is fairly short but brutal as usual. Next in Mini DJ. MDJ tries to pinch a cheeky quick one. Oh no, a direct hit! And we all know umpires love a direct hit. On yer bike Monkey. Brocky next. Didn’t see how he got out because unfortunately I was padding and nobody likes to see that. However by all accounts, well Brocky, it was a good catch. Dodddy up next. Doddy has promised to find another shot this year to go along with the back foot defensive and big pick up to leg (It’s ok Doddy personally my one shot has served me well – apparently !) Cynthia departs the score is around the 80 mark with 3 and a bit overs to go. Scrappy up next – oh dear, will we get to that magical 100. Doddy perishes for the cause just short of the mark. Next in tippy toes Scrabble man. The fleet of foot Ishy and the puffing and wheezing Scrappy run the ball about ‘elegantly’ (!) and Saints finish on 113 for 8 after 16 overs.

Saints take to the field. Not much to report really. Difficult with 10 men – there is always a gap. All the Saints bowled well, particularly Cynthia with a well deserved wicket. Doddy also bowled well and deserved his wicket and the second and only wicket to fall. The St Martins batsmen had this unique knack of ‘dollying’ the ball up just where there were no fileders. Skill or luck – I know where my money was. Special mention to Ben Elton who fielded like a demon. Collectively Ben was forgiven his misjugdement of the flight of the ball right about the time he asked if we were going to be having fielding practise during the season. All those in favour …….. where is everyone ?

St Martins won by 8 wickets in the 15th over. Note to self that result will be reversed next time.

* for all those wondering Pete the man with no nickname has, for my own humour been, referred to as Cynthia (as in Cynthia Payne of 80s swinging fame). A tenuous link granted but the best I could do on a bank holiday Monday. Oh no, bank holiday Monday am I having tea with Elvis or running to the moon today …. Ross please help.