Report by DJ

The difference a week makes. After consecutive losses in the last 2, we were keen to put things right with a win against Cobo. Continuing the recent trend of a complete inability to field a side consisting of more than a handful of registered A team players, however, Scrappy and George once again maxed out their phonebooks in pulling together a side. It’s why I love this club – even having played two or more games already this week, the boys will still turn out, no questions asked. Making their 2010 Season debut for the A’s were Jimmy “Furbrush” Ferbrache and Tim “Timbo” McNab. Back for some more action – Chris “Oooh me guts” Hurley, John “Purderino” Purdy and Al “I’ll catch anything” Streeting.

Scrappy won a good toss and, obviously confident in the strength of his bowling attack, duly inserted the oppo. Scrap opened up top, with a tight first over. At some point during said first over, however, he must have looked about the pitch and realised that he was the only recognised A team bowler. So he did what any sensible captain would do – tossed the ball to yours truly. You could literally hear Stenner’s ringpiece tighten and as he feared for his fingers. “Right arm hope for the best”, I said to the Umps. First over not disastrous – apart from a very slow and wide one which got duly carted. Scrapp completed a second over – score about 15 off the 3. DJ’s second over somehow found a bit of extra zip and even managed to shape the odd one away. Bugger this, thought the batsmen and tried to heave one out of the ground, only to catch a bottom edge and play on. Magic – DJ strikes. Next over and somehow DJ manages to tempt TJ in to going for a wipe outside off, only to see it expertly snaffled by Alex “Collingwood” Streeting at point. Ishy in to the action at the other end and soon had a scalp. DJ finished off his spell and returned a quite reasonable (and unexpected) 4-0-15-2. Tappy took over and soon found his stride and with Ishy and next change JP bowling a tight line, the batters really struggled to get anything away, and anything that did get off the square was neatly collected in the field by Hurls, McNabbo and Ferbracherino. The score eeked along and with the Saints bowlers taking wickets – Tappy one for a steepling catch by RV; Ishy and JP going the more direct route and mangling the stumps – Cobo never looked like posting a decent total. And it really didn’t help when a suicidal run took on Jimmy Furbrush’s arm – big mistake – direct hit to see him several miles short of the crease. A little of bit of last minute hitting was sorted out by Scrappy – Cobo finishing on 92/6 off their 20. None of the Saints bowlers went for more than 20 – a sterling effort with the ball.

Scarily remiscent of recent games where we’ve been tasked with chasing a low total, the boys were determined not to let the gremlins get in the way. A shake up of the order saw Stenners and Tappette opening up. Stens was quickly away in his inimitable style with Tappy looking like he had a pound of ants down his trousers. They obviously had a nibble on something as he was soon running of the park with not much left of his stumps. RV strode in – Cobo knew that their best chance was to unseat the veteran. They tried the best – RV collecting a ball to the lid first up, but it was a schoolboy mistake – that sort of bowling is only going galvanise the wily ex-Island player in to innings-making form. Stenners found the boundary a couple of times before holing out; 40 odd for 2 – enter DJ. With the Saint Martins loss still in the forefront, RV and DJ set about making sure – at less than 3 required, it was just a case of seeing it out. And once Cobo’s only recognised A string bowler was seen off, plus their 10 men fielding, there were plenty of gaps to be had. The ball was knocked about neatly and took full advantage of their rather lacklustre fielding, and the bad balls, of which there were a few, were promptly dispatch to the boundary.

With around 10 needed for the victory, DJ was dubiously adjudged to have been caught behind for 24. Timbo McNab went in and did enough with RV (30*) to see the Saints home with some 7 overs to spare. It’s always nice to beat Cobo (especially twice in a week having done it in the T20) although the team faced bared very little resemblance to the Cobo of old, and rather raises questions about whether we’re really playing Division 1 cricket this year. But nevertheless, a win is a win. Once again, big love and huge thanks to all the lads who turned out to prop up the A team – you continue to do us all proud and demonstrated that you can more than hold your own.

Rest week next week – Corinthians the week after. Up the Saints.

Highlights:

Scrap 4-0-1?-1
DJ 4-0-15-2
Ishy 4-0-1?-1
Tappy 4-0-1?-1
JP 4-0-19-0

RV 30*
DJ 24
Stenners 1?

Saints A’s poor season took a turn for the farcical with a complete stuffing at the hands of Optimists. Able to field just two registered A team players, the club was, once again, asked to fill in the gaps – and trying to find 9 other men can be no easy task. At one point, George was going to ask Sue if she could pop the pale blues on, but in the end, the Saints lads stepped up and turned out an XI. But the eventual result was not much more than a formality.

Saints won the toss and inserted the oppo, which might have been a move simply to try and prolong the game, the Saints bowling attack started off – Ishywar at one end, FezzleDizzle at the other. Both lads worked hard and did a good containing job, keeping the run rate down in the first 4 overs. And with the KGB5 mat playing like an old trampoline that had been left out in the rain for 10 years, nothing could be taken for granted. A ball on a length was either tickling their ankles or whistling past their noses. As the pressure built, Ishy got the breakthrough for a steepling catch for our fielding-allrounder, Heath Brock. First change was Marc Guille with his gentle off spin. After a couple of looseners, he found a nagging length and was soon dropping them on a penny, and was hard to get away. With some good chat from Fezzle, Guillo soon accounted for former island player Van Vliet. Jonty Ledger replaced Fezzler and found a good straight line, and picked up a couple of quick wickets. At 60 odd for 4 of about 8 overs, things were looking beginning to look good for the Saints.

The oppo though had other ideas and managed build a pretty shaky partnership. They mooed, wiped, slashed, heaved and edged the ball around the ground as the Saints men looked on in despair – the ball always agonisingly just out of reach of a catch. With the KG looking bigger than ever, there didn’t seem to be enough men to man the boundaries, and the runs began to flow. Brockback may have broken the partnership had it not been for a fielding mixup – the ball top edged high behind the wicket, with Stevie Eulencamp racing over from third man and Marc Guille from a wide square leg, finding each other in the middle and completely wiping each other out, as the ball plopped safely to the ground. Elsewhere, the fielding was good, with Chris Hurley, John Purdy, Tom Veillard and Chris Fisher showing good commitment. Steve Eulencamp was asked to bowl – who looked as surprised as most of the team, the batsmen, the umpires, opposition and the pissed blokes on the balcony of the pavillion. But he found a good line and length with some good nip, and deserved a wicket.

The partnership was eventually broken thanks to some tight bowling from Ishy and a great catch in the deep from Fezzle – using the Heath Brockenback Ledger method of “trap ball against boob” – but who cares, they all count. But the damage had been done – the partnership was worth around a hundred and left Saints with a required rate of over 8.

Saints’ batting demons showed themselves again and despite a few heaves and moos from Brocky, Fishy and Ishy, and two of the most exquisitely defended overs I’ve ever seen from little Tom Veillard, Saints slumped to a rather dismal 70 odd all out.

Once again, big thanks to everyone who turned out for the A side and for putting in a determined effort and for some quality banter.

Report by a dejected DJ

Seeking to avenge the defeat from earlier in the season and cement a place at the top of the table, a depleted Saints A side took to the field. George and Brocky had done a sterling job to make up the numbers from an injury/commitment/football ravaged Saints teams sheet.

Brocky won a good toss and inserted the oppo. Saint Saviours got off to a flyer, taking wickets at regular intervals. Everyone got a sniff of the action, with Doddy, FezzleDizzle and Ishy all picking up quick wickets. It was about the best fielding performance Saint Saviours have put in all season – everyone alert and keeping the run rate down. Goodie (when he finally turned up) was in the middle of the action with a couple of catches, including a stunning low diving catch away to his right off DJ2, and a couple of sharp stumpings, and a clean sheet on the byes front. Olly Tapp and Steve Eulencamp were visions of youth in the field, throwing themselves about left, right and centre, little Tapp picking up an impressive battle injury the length of his right forearm, which is sure to scar nicely and win some points with the ladies. The oppo struggled to get the ball away and instead had to nurdle the ones and twos. Brocky and Deputy Dave bowled the last 4 overs, and even Brocky picked up a couple – Saint Martins finishing on 99 for 9 off their 20.

There’s no easy way to write the next part, because the result was regrettably all too predictable. Suffice it to say that the “low target gremlins” struck once again, and Saint Saviours, faced with a meagre required rate of 5, made a complete hash of the run chase, in an innings that boasted 2 golden ducks (yours truly included), at least 3 more less than 5 and only two men making double figures – RV was unlucky to be given out caught behind trying to upper cut a blatant no-ball that whistled past his nose, and Brocky gave it a bit of welly for 25. There were no real highlights of a batting performance that moreorless gifted the win to the oppo. In should be said that the bowling made the most of the Port Soif mat, and, importantly, they held on to all the chances that we so willingly gave them.

Games like this are always a massive disappointment and it’s often hard to lock down the cause of such abject failure. We know we should have won, and we should have done so comfortably. There is no concession or excuse that it was a weakened Saints A side as there was more than enough talent in the top 7 to see the runs off with time to spare. Having done all the hard work to keep the oppo to a low target, the application and concentration, starting at the very top of the innings, simply wasn’t there. At just 5 an over, there was no need to be hitting, especially in the air, and at least 6 of the 10 Saint Saviours wickets will accept they contributed to their own, and the team’s, demise.

It’s done and it’s time to regroup and pick ourselves up, ready for the next. We can still win the league – but there’s no room for any more mistakes. Up the Saints.

by “Mike” Thornton, aka DJ

At an eerily listless Port Soif, which now feels like Saints’ home ground, the Saints boys turned out after a week off, still feeling the pain from their narrow defeat to Rovers. Things weren’t looking too clever from the off, with an already weakened side suffering from last minute dropouts, suggesting that Saints were on for a struggle. But there’s one thing you can’t fault about Saint Saviours Cricket Club – the strong and determined spirit that runs throughout the whole club – and the gaps in the side were plugged purposefully by Alex Streeting, Ishwar and a debut for mini-TV Tom Veillard.

In a tactical change of direction, skipper Scrappy let vice-skipper Brocky handle the toss. Playing right in to our hands, they called correctly and asked Saints to bat. RV and DJ1 opened up. DJ was quickly suffering from the strong sunshine and unusual lack of howling wind (weather-wise), and failing to find the boundary, which meant a lot of running. Fortunately, RV was unphased at the other end and was soon picking off a rather lacklustre St Pierre bowling attack. 6 overs in and the score had raced to 60 with the only threat to the run-scoring being DJ keeling over. RV soon passed 50 and with the score on 80 odd, DJ finally found the middle of the bat, only to see it scream directly in to acrobatic hands of wide extra cover, departing for 24 and a bit of a lie-down in the shade. This brought Kneller to the crease who, in judging the complete lack of threat from the bowling, elected to don the floppy wide-brim instead of a helmet. A good call, and the free flow of runs continued.

After a near faultless innings, RV was soon in to the 90s. We’re not sure if there’d been some unusual betting behaviour going on before and/or during the match, as RV seem determined not to get to 3 figures, whereas the oppo seemed determined to get him there. He was dutifully dropped on 94, then again on 95 and should have been run out on 98. One more took him to 99 and the century seemed assured. Not to be, unfortunately – RV had intentions to do it style and tried to put the ball in the middle of Port Soif bay at high tide… only to see it spoon to mid-wicket, and this time it was collected. Shame not to get the hundred, but no doubt he’d done the job and set Saints up for what looked like an imposing total, out for 99 off just 59 balls.

Kneller continued with Goodie in fine fettle for the remaining 3 overs. Aiming for 180, they were both hitting it sweetly until the brim of the floppy dropped in front of Kneller’s eyes – the momentary blindness saw him sky an easy one to the keeper with 2 balls left, departing for an all-run 37. Goodie managed 6 from the final 2 for a useful 19* – Saints ending on 182 for 3.

It was always going to be a tough job for the oppo – and it’s never made any easier when you’ve got Phil Dodd hurtling in at the top end like a man possessed. He wasted no time and produced the best Div 1 opening over of the season – [..W.W.] – for a double wicket maiden, score 0-2 from 1. The foolhardy opening batsman spied Broquette Cider floundering about at mid off, but failed to get the ball over the big man as he launched in to the air, pouching a sharp catch mid-air Collingwood-style, before clattering to the ground, bag-of-potatoes-style. Dodd’s second was a skier, ably snaffled by keeper Goodie. Scrappy had long since made his excuses about testing his dodgy hamstring, but nevertheless opened up from the other end. A bit of extra bounce saw his second ball whistle away for 4 byes, still no runs off the bat, and the batsmen looking pretty confused by it all.

They somehow managed to assemble something of a partnership and were 52 for 2 before it all fell apart and the wickets started to tumble. A second dropped catch off his bowling saw Scrappy’s hamstring mysteriously start playing up, and unfortunately at his age doesn’t have the miraculous healing powers that some of the younger Saints have, not to mention the small gaggle of supporters in the clubhouse getting the beers in, saw Scrapyard limp off the field. It turned out to be some tactical brilliance, however, as Ishwar took over with the ball, and quickly made the breakthrough beating the batsmen, letting Sir Goodie in for a stumping. To cap that, in to the next over and a suicidal run let Scrappy’s sub, young Olly Tapp, who will be in trouble at home for playing in and getting grass stains on his school trousers, get on the scorecard with a run out. Deputy Dave “DJ2″ Jones was in to the action at the other end, and accounted for the last remaining semblance of a batting line up with another catch for Jonty Brockingwood and a brilliantly judged skier for Alex Streeting who, in making a much harder catch look very easy, might have been wondering what the fuss with catching a cricket ball was really all about.

Sensing an opportunity for a few easy wickets, Kneller was in to the action and quickly finished off the tail. Not before Brockback had turned his arm over for an over, though, and was probably grateful that it only had to be the one. At 10 down, the oppo had had enough and threw in the towel – all out for 106 from 17.5 overs – Saints getting the victory by an impressive 76 runs.

A sterling all-round team performance – solid batting performance, followed up by accurate bowling and all backed up in the field with some quality fielding – special mention to Tom Veillard, Alex Streeting and Ishy who made themselves available to us and looked well at home in the A side. With performances like that, there’s no question that we should be top of the table at the end of the season.

-DJ

Scorecard: Scorecard Saints A vs St Pierre (23) – thanks Sue!

Match abandoned due to rain. Both sides get a point each.

The top of the table clash between Saints and Rovers went to the wire. Rovers batting first got off to a flyer, and were 60 odd for no wicket after just 6 overs. A huge total was looking likely, but fortunately some superb, tight bowling from the Saints lads, soon reined them in. A couple of quick wickets helped to stem the flow and after their 20, Rovers had got to 140 odd. After the start they’d had, this was an excellent display from the Saints bowlers and fielders. 140 was very gettable.

Unfortunately, though, the Saints batsmen struggled to get going. DJ and Brocky opened and got away to a painfully slow start, with only 30 runs on the board after the first 6. Wickets fell at regular intervals with only RV managing to form any sort of an innings. Saints were faced with 15 (ish) needed from the final two overs, and despite some good hitting from LittleBig, Goodie, Dj2, Marc Guille and others, fell an agonising 4 runs short at the end.

A horrible feeling for the Saints boys, knowing that we should have chased down that total with balls to spare. Seems to happen though – small totals are always harder to chase.

Never mind boys – Rovers 1, Saints 0 – we’ll have ‘em next time.

Highlights:

DJ2 4-0-25-1
PB&J 4-0-19-2

RV 35
PB&J 27

By Owen Brock(back)

On a tropical, sunny, Thursday evening, Saints took to the field against their Wanderers stablemates looking to inflict a defeat which would allow the weekend boys bragging rights, and more importantly continue a fine winning streak which has seen us top of the league. Lily duly strode out to the middle with the oppo skipper, and no surprises – lost the toss. Saints were asked to set a total, which actually worked out rather well as Goody was at a meeting about little boys. (I have asked for an invite to the next one, but apparently it is priests and teachers only.)

First out of the hutch were an in form RV and Tappy (usual opener Spenny, being at a boozy lunchtime ‘AGM’). True to form, we got off to a solid start against one of the better opening bowling attacks in the league, both openers stroking the ball around nicely until Tappy slapped one straight to the only fielder with an arm in the Corinthians team with a confident ‘NO’ – RV unfortunately had better ideas and overruled him with a louder YES and set off for what can only be described as a suicidal run, suicidal that is for his batting Tappy anyway, and even the fastest athlete between the wickets on the team (Brocky), would have struggled to make it home – Tappy duly run out for 4. Next in Matt ‘The Welder’ Thornton, but unfortunately, whilst looking fairly comfortable, The Welder was soon triggered by the Ump for LBW, from one which I am reliably informed, hit him outside the line, and to be fair looked a little high, even on such a wee man. Ben “Lazarus” (-more about this later) Driver up next, and put on a healthy partnership with RV, who was more than making up for his earlier indiscretion. Things were looking good for a very competitive total until Lazarus fell trying to swipe a rank long hop to the boundary, but missed and was bowled but sadly for the oppo this only brought LittleBig (aka Cynthia) to the crease, new willow in hand, and proceeded to smash the balls to all parts. RV fell for an excellent 40 bowled by a carrot. Out strode Brocky, keen to at least maintain his average of 2. Singles a plenty meant that Cynthia was kept on strike and proceeded to hit some glorious 4’s with Rolex timing and come the end of the 20th over had amassed an excellent 73 of 45 balls including 10 fours, Brocky weighing in with a four off the last ball (his first of the season) – honest, I played a late cut on the last ball! Saints had set a very defendable 178 from 20.

New ball partnership of Lily and Lazurus opened with a good spell, which included the wicket of the carrot well caught by Doddy at the second attempt. This brought together the only 2 batsmen who realistically had any chance of saving the game for Corinthians, and proceeded to bat sensibly whilst still putting the odd bad ball away. Cynthia was brought on to attempt to stem the flow of runs and whilst generating good pace and bounce managed to induce an edge which Lazarus was very close to plucking, but in diving backward caught his knee in the ground for what looked like a very nasty injury. Play was suspended whilst his worried team mates crowded round, deciding whether or not an ambulance was needed (Lazarus at this time was rolling around threatening to be sick and obviously in a lot of pain, as the squealing like a little girl would have seemed to have testified). Once it was established that an ambulance was not required (as this would have cost Lazarus a few quid), the game was able to continue, with miraculously Lazarus able to continue in the field. Doddy into the attack, and after softening up the there number 3 with a few balls that were duly smashed to the boundary, managed to get one through with some extra pace which induced the edge and gobbled up by Goody, game over methinks. Still their opener was at the crease and whilst there we were never home and dry. Due to Spenny still being at his boozy ‘AGM’ Chris ‘Mr Saints’ Fisher was brought on to bowl and bowled a tidy few overs increasing with confidence with every ball, with the run rate increasing sharply and now up beyond 15 an over, and with a ray of sun shine breaking through, Lazarus (Halleluiah) was brought back into the attack. I could have sworn he had broken his knee earlier, but it seems miracles do indeed happen. Their opener still not quite believing what he was seeing (I think he had tears in his eyes), missed a straight one and the game was well and truly up. Lazarus managed another wicket with the helping of a tidy stumping from Goodie. With only the formalities to be completed, and 30 needed off the final 2, Lily was happy to see Cynthia restrict the batsmen to 5, taking the pressure off. Lily then joined the wicket party with a couple in the final over. Just desserts arguably, after having a couple of very tough (for very tough read very catchable) 1/2 chances put down by our specialist fielder yours truly in extra cover, way outside his comfort zone of the 45 on the leg side, in the previous over.

All in all, a comfortable win, which sets up nicely for the top of the table clash with Rovers next week. Contributions from everyone – fielding was especially good with Marc “Guillo” Guille and a sprightly looking veteran RV diving around the outfield saving runs everywhere and building the pressure. Great banter and atmosphere on and off the pitch. Well done to all, special mention to Cynthia for a cracking knock and some excellent bowling, long may it continue.

Up the Saints!

Highlights:

PB&J 73*
RV 40
Badger 23

Badger 4-0-40-3
Scrappy 4-0-28-3
Doddy 4-0-28-1

Report by Sir/ Master Goody (with a bit of editing from DJ)

Much has been said as to the rejig of the divisions this year and it’s had no bigger effect than on Cobo. Saints have been the only team in recent seasons to threaten to beat Cobo, despite them fielding pretty much an Island XI. Only on a few occasions has the game been a one sided affair. The new rules and regulations have forced Cobo to field a lesser side in the new Division 1 evening league format and it shows – the Cobo team that on the evening contained a few familiar faces and a good deal of the colts team that have played lower down the leagues in previous years.

Cobo weren’t the only side to be making radical changes to their side. After just three games, Saints were struggling to field 11. NewDJ and Cynthia both unavailable. Onagainoffagain Ben Driver, same. Lee Gallienne has done the dutiful and returned to his beloved (and struggling) Div 4 Strollers – seems a waste of a quality bowler, but such is life. Marc Guille is showing his true Saints colours by stepping up, again, and with OldDJ back from melting bits of metal together, Saints find themselves with 10 men. Not happy with that Brockback and Scrapdog pull out all the stops in finding their man – and after 2 years of assertion that he had retired, the Saints legend Phil “PC” Challenger is coaxed back in to donning the blue shirt and taking to the field for the mighty Saints. And what a sight it was. (Did we stitch two more shirts together again?)

So to the toss and for the first time in 2010, Scrappy tosses well. Cobo invited to bat. TJ Ozanne and Pete Vidamour to open, a less dominating pair that perhaps could have been up front. First ball for Noyon from the top end is a half volley (a good start), Vidamours eyes light up and smashes said half volley in the V – only to be superbly snared at mid off by young Olly Tapp. Great start for the Saints, Cobo 0 for 1. In comes Cobo’s only remaining Island representative Khris MOW herrhuandlal? (just pressed a few buttons there). MOW and TJ prod around for a bit, taking the score past 30, before Savage finds his rhythm, and bowls a beauty to TJ and knocking back his off stump. 30 odd for 2 and looking good for the Saints. Luke Nussbaumer next in. He and MOW produce a tidy partnership, running well and playing some good shots. The game looks to be slipping away when MOW is given the first of his many lives – dropped first by Goody off Kneller (tough chance!!) and then again by Scrappy on the boundary (tough chance also!!). Nussbaumer is adjudged LBW with the score on 112. MOW now tucking into the bowling – 5 sixes (including a four just tipped over the boundary by Scrappy for 6) – now into the 90’s. By this stage, the local posse from the Rockmount has gotten wind that their man is about to post a ton and from nowhere they’re all on the boundary rope awaiting the milestone. MOW duly chips into the leg side and brings up his hundred 105no – even if he was dropped 5 times on the way there. Would have been a totally different story without him, but nevertheless, 150-3 in 16 overs looks a daunting task.

Some confusion at the top of the order for Saints, sees regular opener DJ decidedly irregular and suffering from a bout of Delhi belly – Scrappy gives Spence the nod in his place and with RV strides out to the crease. Meanwhile DJ still struggling with his irregular bowl movements. The ever green Mike Kinder opens up for Cobo and the usually miserly now retired College Cricket master sees his first over disappear for 15. The runs continue to flow, both on the field and in the changing room as DJ takes his seat. Saints on a flyer and have raced to 35 off the first 2 overs. Quiet murmurings have started amongst the Saints faithful that we might just do a job here. Spenny and RV continue the assault off what has to be said some pretty average bowling, non the less both play some fluent shots in their partnership of 100. Excitement gathers pace on the boundary as DJ pops off to the gents again, Saints rattling along at 15 per over. As the score passes 100 spenny is undone by a full leg spinner form Nussbaumer. In goes the Saints’ Kolpack and Island player Ross “I didn’t get hit for six” Kneller, plays a lovely shot for one and is then bowled by a part time spinner at the other end. DJ emerges from the gents and walks gingerly to the crease still 40 required from the last 7 overs. When RV clips a leg stump HV to mid wicket a shot you would usually be adding 4 runs to the score for suddenly things have changed, 30 required and Olly and DJ in. These two play some nice shots and together with some positive running take us within 20 of victory. DJ senses another urge coming on and edges on to the keeper to pop off to the loo again. Goody walks out to join his former pupil at the crease 18 needed from 11 balls. They duly see the Saints home with only three overs to spare. A superb victory that keeps Saints in the hunt with the leaders.

Up the Saints. Who’s next?

Footnote:
The victory does leave some questions to be answered about the new system. It does seem a little ironic that a player who had been training in the ICC junior academy in Mumbai a winter previously and who had played in all of Guernsey’s ICC division 7 fixtures in the Island in 2009, as well as taking part in the division 6 tournament in Singapore was deemed not good enough to be ineligible to play in division 1. Looking at some of the other players selected in the list that are ineligible there may be some re-thinking to do.

Highlights:

Spenny 4-0-46-2

Spenny 56
RV 42

12 May 2010

On a balmy night at the new tropical Port Soif – when have we ever played a game there with no force 9 “Freemantle” blowing in ? – the Saints A team regrouped with a point to prove against Optimists following their poor performance against St Martins last week.  Things did not start well when Captain Savage once again lost the toss (queue many Carry On gags about ‘useless tosser’), and Saints were duly inserted once again, rivalling BrokeBack’s performance in the local Candy Shop.  Veillard and Noyon tried hard to get the runs flowing from the off, with the former racing to 20 + in no time at all thanks to a calculated mix of some lusty blows and well timed shots.  It was not long however before Noyon duly brought Veillard down to his own level and the pair struggled to time anything with any real conviction.  With the pair also demonstrating  a running technique right out of the BrokeBack training manual, it was a blessing when Noyon finally fell for 33 off 32 balls – a stand of 79.  Goody came and went, respectful of the fact that the opposition were also his weekend team mates, and Ross scored a run-a-ball 9 for twice out, having been initially given out stumped off a no ball. No criticism of the umpire here though – it was Fez at square leg whom, having been put under fearful intimidation by the sole Gacus representative, gave Ross out, only to then point out to the trained and qualified umpire that no such dismissal was possible under the rules – queue a recall to the crease.  Ben Driver, the Saints Newbie, looked like he could be a useful signing with a well paced 21 not out off 15 balls, and Chris “Saints CC” Fisher posted an average enhancing 4 not out in the final total of 121 in 16 overs.

Venue: The always cold KGV where the changing room is particularly fragrant !

Saints A v St Martins – now was it Wednesday or Thursday last week. You know I’m not sure. You see because of the bank holiday it put me out of kilter. You see Mondays I normally do a 15 mile run with Elvis, Tuesday I have tea on the moon with ET and Wednesdays I normally work until 8pm. But this week I forgot to change the date on my watch and, well, I won’t bore you anymore as you’d think I was a plonker.

The Game.

Unfortunately Brocky’s run of getting 11 A teamers on the park ended after a run of 1 game. Missing DJ (doing motor vehicle maintenance at school) and Tappy (training for something – the something is unknown but it sounded good) and Lee the Fridge (who we later find out is discussing personal terms regarding a early season move back to Strollers). But no worries, in comes Mark ‘the young Ben Elton’ Guille and Ishy (everybody’s favourite Scrabble name).

Saints lose the toss and as expected are inserted. Batting line up – RV, Ox, Pretty Boy Ross, Cynthia* and Goody. No more needed thinks Skip. Anybody seen Ross ? To cut a long, and as yet not understood, story short, Ross is unable to join us due to strange phenomena known as 30 days in April and (what is more commonly understood) that Ross is a plonker. So this time Ross doesn’t just forget his contact lenses, socks or trainers he actually forgets himself. That leaves us with 10 .

RV and Ox get us off to a flyer. RV in particular punishing anything short and wide. The Ox is still worried about his new bat decides air won’t hurt his bat like that nasty leather stuff. We are rattling along at 10s for the first 5 or so overs but both RV and Ox depart in quick succession to catches. Cynthia in, 3, Goody, 4. Neither really get going. Goody’s stay is fairly short but brutal as usual. Next in Mini DJ. MDJ tries to pinch a cheeky quick one. Oh no, a direct hit! And we all know umpires love a direct hit. On yer bike Monkey. Brocky next. Didn’t see how he got out because unfortunately I was padding and nobody likes to see that. However by all accounts, well Brocky, it was a good catch. Dodddy up next. Doddy has promised to find another shot this year to go along with the back foot defensive and big pick up to leg (It’s ok Doddy personally my one shot has served me well – apparently !) Cynthia departs the score is around the 80 mark with 3 and a bit overs to go. Scrappy up next – oh dear, will we get to that magical 100. Doddy perishes for the cause just short of the mark. Next in tippy toes Scrabble man. The fleet of foot Ishy and the puffing and wheezing Scrappy run the ball about ‘elegantly’ (!) and Saints finish on 113 for 8 after 16 overs.

Saints take to the field. Not much to report really. Difficult with 10 men – there is always a gap. All the Saints bowled well, particularly Cynthia with a well deserved wicket. Doddy also bowled well and deserved his wicket and the second and only wicket to fall. The St Martins batsmen had this unique knack of ‘dollying’ the ball up just where there were no fileders. Skill or luck – I know where my money was. Special mention to Ben Elton who fielded like a demon. Collectively Ben was forgiven his misjugdement of the flight of the ball right about the time he asked if we were going to be having fielding practise during the season. All those in favour …….. where is everyone ?

St Martins won by 8 wickets in the 15th over. Note to self that result will be reversed next time.

* for all those wondering Pete the man with no nickname has, for my own humour been, referred to as Cynthia (as in Cynthia Payne of 80s swinging fame). A tenuous link granted but the best I could do on a bank holiday Monday. Oh no, bank holiday Monday am I having tea with Elvis or running to the moon today …. Ross please help.